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I am an Isolation Maven: Circling with My Shadow

10/29/2018

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I have just returned from 3 days of communing and learning and journeying with 16 other women as we dug deep into our shadow. Circling in sisterhood is something I never did until 3 years ago and it has changed my life. When I commune in circle with other women weather it is for business or personal reasons I give myself the permission to celebrate myself and get the support to dig deep and connect with my soul and my magic as a women.

In western society we have not allowed ourselves the space or time to do this. The pressures of modern thought and expectations devalue the idea of women ceremonies and gatherings so that we run in the circle of nurturing others and giving to others and earning for the collective. We rarely make time to gather and make sacred space to share ourselves openly and without fear of judgement. The idea that we need to give ourselves permission to do something that nurtures ourselves inside and out is part of our shadow speaking. For many of us the shadow self has been ignored and stuffed so far inside us we don't even know she exists, and when this is the case that is where she takes the reigns and leaves you spinning.

Our shadow is the piece of our subconscious that is there to keep us safe but can also inhibit our life if allowed to be neglected or given permission to take up all the space within our subconscious mind.

This journey of coming face to face with our shadow can crack us open and make us feel raw but if we recognize her, let her known she is seen and heard we can then move forward with her by our side but not in the driver seat.
This work is crucial if you are feeling stuck, if you seem to be going in circles instead of spiraling up. This work can catapult you forward.

Last week I came face to face with her.


My shadow is the Isolation Maven.

She is quiet and her cloak helps me from being exposed.
She has told me for years not to stand out for if I do I could get hurt.
She has told me to not let others see all of me, my fire, my silly playful nature, she told me my vulnerability will show as weakness.
She says that my ideas are too big and others will judge or hurt me.

She has made my inner sanctuary so comfortable and easy that the idea of coming out of my shell is like stepping myself naked on to a public stage BUT she has kept me small and my skin is crawling, my skin needs to shed and my ideas need to be seen and heard.

She has told me that abundance comes from hard work but that work should not rock the boat for it might all go away. Risk is too risky.
She has told me prosperity equals greed.
She has said you have just enough to get by and that is noble.

All of that is just her way of keeping the status quo because for her change is scary.
The unknown for her is the dark abyss.
I now see her but can know longer let her hold the reigns.
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To Live is To Fly!​

10/5/2018

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​Allowing Yourself to Play Freely and Create Deeper
Connections with Yourself and Your Kids

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​“Play is really the work of childhood”- Fred Rogers 
I would add play is essential for life to bloom at all stages.

As a former teacher fusing play into my curriculum was done effortlessly because I knew it was paramount to help all my students grow and challenge themselves socially and emotionally as well as physically and mentally.

When my daughter was young 2-6 years old, I made sure to give her a variety of playful experiences daily but I was often an observer or a engaged with her in her play only when she asked. But, my desire to play was not really there, actually it was just buried.

The idea of being silly or playful once I became an adult made me feel uncomfortable for fear of judgement. It was this fear that stopped me from experimenting and engaging with my soul on a deeper level.

As a child I played with my environment like splashing through swamps and climbing trees, created art and performances. I was silly but I had a reserved side and as I got older the silly faded and the serious mindset took over.

Once I graduated college I was focused on work, surviving, and going through the motions of “adult life” and the “play” that I did engage in, came in the form of art, dance, swimming, or meeting up with friends for dinner and maybe a game or two.


These actions were a very basic level of play BUT they didn't move me out of comfort zone or help me grow socially, emotionally or spiritually.


It was not until a few years ago when I was feeling that my life was stagnant, which lead me to do some deep dive soul searching, that I discovered the wondrous expanse that RADICAL PLAY, playing past your comfort zone can bring to you as adult.


It started when I was starving for connection to my creative soul. I mentioned this to a friend of mine during a heart to heart and she suggested a dance group, it was not just a ballet or modern dance group but an Ecstatic Dance group. I was a bit wary and deep down a bit scared at first, in fact it took me months before I “made the time” to go.
We would gather monthly around the full moon and create a fire and people would play music and all you needed to do was feel it and move without thought, let your freak fly!


Letting myself go and feel was super hard at first! Since I had been trained as a dancer I knew how to  move gracefully BUT I had great difficulty letting my self just feel and move without thought or judgement. A women there who could sense my trepidation suggested closing my eyes so I could boost my sense of hearing and feel the vibrations in the ground.


THIS pushed me to the edge of my comfort zone, to my FERTILE EDGE but I kept with it and my body started to flow.


 As I silenced my mind my body took over and my movement because full of emotion. I wept releasing that first layer of fear and it was beautiful.

After this experience I came home, my daughter was asleep and my friend, who was caring for her while I was dancing, went home after we had a luscious conversation about the act of letting go and being.


It was at that point I felt compelled to write down the beginning of a business idea, an idea that came to me as I was driving back from the dance circle. What came out of me that night was the first spurt of a vision that would eventually become the Rejuvenation Grange.


So, over the years I have come back to this memory for reflection because it has so many pieces of inspiration for myself and others and has given me the gift of connecting with my deepest desires and playfully engaging with my daughter fully.


It was this act of radical play that pushed me to leap and take a risk without panic setting in. It was this act of letting my true self free that allowed me to start splashing in puddles, swinging super high, and climbing trees with my daughter and feeling joyous while do it.


How would it feel to shed those layers of judgement and rigidity and experience playing again? Join me for my 5 Day Play Challenge starting October 15-19. Click here for more information and to RSVP.

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    Posted by AndreaParker

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